Parijat, Tea, Notebook n Bridges

Many a mornings i plucked fragile n fragrant PARIJAT for her with great care,

One morning she trampled upon them with scorn n glee…

the fragments n fading fragrance remain  in my painful memory !

Many a afternoons i brewed TEA for her with great care n served delicately in China,

One afternoon she put poison of her deceit in my cup….

This poison circulates forever in my veins !

Many a days we wrote n read the NOTEBOOK of love together,

One day she tore it up and threw the torn pages away….

The words mock me mournfully !

Over the years we built the BRIDGES and crossed them hand-in-hand time n again,

She burnt the Bridges n threw the ashes to the winds…..

I ran after it and collected a handful, crestfallen n ashen-faced !

Now i love Parijat, Tea, Notebook and Bridges more….

Coz they remind me of her treachery !

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Morbid Thoughts: The Final Moments- Tryst with the Unknown ! (As immortalised in Anand- “Maut, tu ek Kavita hai….”)

On the edge of Age…
On the cliff of Life…
On the brink of Death…
On the end of the beginning and beginning of the end….
When darkness has devoured the light and spark has gone…
When all seems to be lost forever in the abyss of nothingness…..
When time has timed out and space has shrunk ….
Mind drifts and dithers, confused and confounded,
Desperate to capture life’s journey in few fleeting moments !
Life….a kaleidoscope of colours n myriad hues,
But now all in black n white…nay Grey !
Life….a parade of people, places n peccadillos,
All that is left now is fragile vanishing memory !
Mind lucid no more…..now conscious, now unconscious…incoherent,
It tricks, it teases, it plays games !
Flood of Illusions, deluge of delusions !
A constant subliminal struggle !
And the matter matters not any more !
People loved n loving but are images hazy n distant !
Echoes come calling from far away shores,
But fade away in inaudible whispers !
It’s a different world out there……frightening but mesmerizing n enticing,
Blackest of the black hole !
It beckons, it calls, it tempts, it shepherds….
To the oblivion n beyond !
To keep the tryst with the unknown !

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THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CSSite AND WHY I AM IN LOVE WITH IT ! A Tribute to my Clan…..

“CSS”…..Have we seen a Clan so Smart n Suave ? Oh….what Style, what Substance…be it men or women, girls or boys ! CSS…lo behold…..here we belong ! CSS….the name unfolds history, centuries old genesis, legacy of the illustrious ancestors ! CSS…the name brings nostalgia and  many a maudlin moments !  CSS…where the relationships are unfathomable ….as very deep they go, and defy distance, age n time ! CSS where it is not incongruous to find uncles often offering exotic wine n cousins Assam tea : )

CSS…where life is celebrated every moment, at every turn…not to speak of colourful events n vibrant wonderful weddings ! Ohh CSS…when we all meet the joy intoxicates, happiness overflows and the back-slapping camaraderie enthrals.! CSS…where we have immortal iconic Gola, where gatherings are gay, and festivities galore! CSS… where the light- hearted banter, the jokes, the leg- pullings, the odd sermons, the pics of events in our lives…. shared in person and on the App keep us anchored ! CSS…where concern by all for all in the clan is genuine, love unpretentious and warmth abundant ! CSS….where the ancient family tree has grown humongous and branches spread out far n wide…but roots keep us rooted, united ! CSS….how blessed are we, for the family here is friend !

CSS…where gaiety rules, fun never ends, and laughter never dies !  CSS…where there is drama in real life and life is lived king size ! CSS…where, songs are songs of life and dance is spirit of freedom ! CSS…where there is pride, but no prejudice…..where proximity breeds care, not contempt ! CSS…where bonding breeds bonhomie n belonging brings bliss ! 

CSS phenomenon….eyes light up at its mere mention.…It’s Rare, It’s Infectious, It’s Crazy, It’s Beautiful, It’s Magnificent !

Cheers !

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Absurdity of Love n Existence… in the context of lover’s treachery

Deeply influenced by Camus and the absurdity of love and existence, I am writing this Blog about the situation of a lover who is cheated by his love and is now symbolically perched precariously and hopelessly on a cliff hanging by the fragile thread of hope so as not to be thrown in the abyss,…..I write about the life of this lover…life which is not a theatre of the absurd, …but a life of absurdity…a living, palpitating absurdity. I lend my words to the thoughts of this dejected yet spirited lover, pardon me if you find me insane and incoherent. I pen thus for this imaginary lover:

I never perceived the full meaning of lifelong struggle to get back lost love, as I was not a party to it, as I had not lost you then, nor ever dreamt of losing you ever. I am hit by its full import now as you have gone away and abandoned me for another, as I suffer and pine for you. To have you back in my life is my futile struggle reflected in my silent quest, in my hopeless hope, and the anguished cry which escapes from my soul, reaches your heart but touches you not.

Camus talks about this absurdity through the character Sisyphus….about the feeling that life is meaningless. Sisyphus is condemned to the unrealizable task of rolling a huge boulder over the top of a hill. The moment he reaches the top, he watches, as it tumbles back to the bottom. He is cursed to repeat the cycle for eternity. But Sisyphus carries on…on n on and on…unmindful n uncaring of the futility of this exercise. It is absurd, it is meaningless…..yet he never stops. So is the absurdity I face in my life now…I know you will never come back, but I keep asking, shamelessly, unmindful of the humiliating rejections.

Camus sees three possible responses to this state of hopelessness: reposing Faith in God ( but I am at best agnostic n think it is an illusion, and i question if God is there, why did he allow another man to take away my woman…as for the woman, I rationalize that she left me to punish me, but to go to this man…?…well even God will be a mad Dog trying to fathom this ); Suicide (but I am a coward); and Defiance…..in continuing to live (love) , despite understanding the futility of existence (struggle to get my love back).Therefore, I settle for the life of subjugation, to the misery of circumstances… with an attitude of acceptance.

My love, you will ask can meaninglessness be justified ? Yes, because, though I am fully conscious of my fate and futility,  I cannot escape the struggle…for i can endure it. By embracing the hopelessness, I am aware of the limitations of life…therefore, I discerningly revolt against my fate….this futility…by continuing to toil and try. And I rebel with inner strength and moral courage.

But I am yet to reach a stage where I am free from my anxieties about you, about return of love from you…for I keep hoping…Though I choose a life that is without appeal and hope, my heart still keeps appealing…and hoping…and I keep asking for your love. Though I am indifferent to the future, i cherish my present struggle for your love to the fullest, even if you…the object of my desire…find it deplorable and despicable.

You will be convinced of my arguments, my sincerity, my thoughts n feelings, and the seriousness of my efforts to regain my love only by my death, therefore I die thousand deaths daily.

I am continuing in my misery with a profound understanding of it…I wonder whether I am beginning to savour it. I believe seeking you, your love… is more momentous than suicide…..which serves no purpose. My situation is hopeless and gloomy….and the hopelessness and the gloom are eternal, but I am thoughtlessly immersed in my pursuit and I think neither of hope nor of hopelessness. I am fully aware of the absurdity.

“Basically, at the very bottom of life, which seduces us all, there is only absurdity, and more absurdity. And maybe that’s what gives us our joy for living, because the only thing that can defeat absurdity is lucidity..” (Camus)

And I am lucid enough to understand the futility.

And I stand triumphant in my tragedy !

And I love you !

 

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My thoughts on Sashi Tharoor Words

In lighter vein !

There is brouhaha each time Sashi Tharoor throws an unpronounceable word at the unsuspecting public trying its sangfroid and causing psychosomatic symptoms and hallucinations of “wordly” pleasures, albeit vicarious. Without doubting his concinnity, one wonders whether the perpetuator of treppenwitz intends to flummox, or to ensorcell one and sundry with his borborygmus. Or  is it a case of subtle n sophisticated schadenfreude by playing with the sehnsucht  of gobemouche ?? Or, the idea is to discombobulate by gobbledegook ?? LOL !

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The bottom-line of the thought I shared last: Is Mob Lampooning not the same as Mob Lynching ? In one we hang the Body, in the other…Soul !

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