Stop clapping imperiously n shouting “koi hai” the moment you are out of slumber n sleeping bag. ‘Raj’ and “Raj-Idiosyncrasies’ no longer exist, not even in Rajasthan. With the helping hands becoming aspirational (rightly so) and maddeningly moody , it wouldn’t hurt to pick up your empty plate n wash it. Shun dependence even on the cuddling n befuddling family members. Apart from powdering your nose or splashing after-shave as the sole arm-lifting exercise, begin brewing your tasteless tea, burning your toast and holes in your shirt/skirt by ironing out wrinkles of your expectations, for family members have their own 1,2,3…lists (nothing wrong with that). Mastering the art of measuring sugar miserly will come in handy when you are salt n pepper and children take wings with their own families due to compulsions of work/kids/creating their own space (absolutely understandable). And in the foggy age when you pretend to come to senses n see life squarely in the eye, your wife may not see eye to eye, turn religiously religious, desert you in favour of God, n delicately but devilishly decline to pour wine in your goblet leaving you low in spirit n dry as desert. And if you happen to be a woman, you run the ultimate risk of being saddled with a spent sentinel sans senses slowly but surely sliding into senility. Dependence, like proximity, breeds contempt. So, ladies n gentlemen, tighten your belts, loose motions n emotions and wield a broom with gusto and a wild Woosterly “WHAT HO”! Waiting in the wings, Jeeves will approve!
TOP 10 WAYS TO BECOME UNPOPULAR & UNWANTED!
(Written in good humour with the belief that unlike animals we can laugh at ourselves)
Most of us have read “How to Win Friends & Influence People”, but none has thrown light on “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”, though just like death-wish, many have that unfathomable desire to be despised. Well here is the definitive recipe:
1. Being heard is our birth-right. Speak loudly, uninvited & unnecessarily. Interrupt continuously and cut others off.
2. Don’t lead a dog’s life. Be doggedly dogmatic.
3. I believe, so I am! Be opinionated, impose your beliefs and make lives miserable.
4. Name is fame. Name-drop till people drop dead.
5. Must make up for that pitiable athletics performance in School. Jump to conclusions, be judgmental.
6. Take one & sundry for granted. Life is all about give n take.
7. Oh, you have been ‘giving’ so much of yourself. Appropriate all glory n credit, indulge in self-praise and belittle others.
8. Be modern-minded. Be a first-rate hypocrite.
9. Be fashionable. Wear ego on your sleeve and arrogance on your collar.
10. Pretend and fake shamelessly. Duplicate Louis Vuitton shines brighter.
In lighter vein !
There is brouhaha each time Sashi Tharoor throws an unpronounceable word at the unsuspecting public trying its sangfroid and causing psychosomatic symptoms and hallucinations of “wordly” pleasures, albeit vicarious. Without doubting his concinnity, one wonders whether the perpetuator of treppenwitz intends to flummox, or to ensorcell one and sundry with his borborygmus. Or is it a case of subtle n sophisticated schadenfreude by playing with the sehnsucht of gobemouche ?? Or, the idea is to discombobulate by gobbledegook ?? LOL !